Your narrative here feels keenly familiar to me. My journey of discovery relative to my gender has been a long, winding path, but my experience of dysphoria was like a switch. It wasn't until I could actually see myself as a woman that it became painful to see myself as a man. Before that, being a man wasn't painful, it was just.... unfulfilling? But there came a day when I looked in the mirror and experienced something for the first time: I recognized myself. I had never had that sensation before. It was the first time I ever experienced gender euphoria, and it was blissful! It also marked the time that I began to experience dysphoria. And it hurt. A lot.

I've only just discovered your writing, so I don't know how current this story is, but I wish you well in your process. Thank you for so eloquently sharing your experience.