Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. Naming has been a top-of-mind thought process for me for a few months now. Do I want to change my name? When? How? It seems to me that for binary trans folks, changing names is an obvious choice, with the difficulty being in, as you describe, the seemingly endless detritus that surfaces for years afterwards. As an NB person, the decision whether or not to change my name is a bit more fraught. (I recognize that your essay wasn’t about changing names, per se…. stay with me here). Transition has been much more process than event, which with the uncertainty of having to identify for myself when my old name is no longer relevant. But I have no intention of changing careers, and I’m about 20 years in now. Many people use me as a reference, many people reach out to me unsolicited. I’m entirely confident that when I choose to change my name, the resulting hit to my reputation will be worth it, but that doesn’t ease my concerns over the navigation of that. If some potential employer calls me for a reference on someone I used to work with, do I correct them or just roll with it? And how much of my soul will that cost me? When I inevitably move on to a new employer, and had them my own C.V and references, how do I navigate it? There are no established social protocols for this, though in theory it should be no different from someone recently married changing their last name. And yet it is. It is our burden to stand in our own justice, whereas the new bride gets to announce with pride her new name, and receive only congratulations for it.

I ramble. My point is merely that I see you. I know that struggle. I know the challenge of not having clarity on how to navigate life and its requisite rituals. I’m proud of you, and I’m proud of us. And I support you in having the courage to announce with pride your new, corrected name.